SHALLOW

Yesterday, anticipating chopping all of my locks off. I was sitting here, kind of half dreading the day after responses from the building full of people that I work with. I was all "when I was young I loved getting attention for my haircutttting, but now I am so old and mature and that's gone." It's still kind of true, except that almost no one said ANYTHING. One person, the first person that I saw today, had nice comments, but not a soul otherwise. Which is completely fine, I seriously don't need anyone to comment on my hair! Unless, it's one of those "maybe if we ignore it, it will go away" things.

What makes cool?

One-liners. Favourite quote. Favourite books. Favourite Movie. "I'm into:" One noun. A non-finite verb. I'm into walking. Drinking. Singing. Sinking. SCREAMING.

2D paper doll people, in the style pages. In their blogger profile. On their facebook. Myspace. Personal ads. It's a personal inventory, but impersonal, and accessible for mass consumption. I look through such listings, at first undiscerningly. Reading; she is an artist. He is into playwriting. Sally is in love with love. My brains says, "I can compete with this! I have feelings too. I am interested in things." One or two things, that's all it takes, to make a whole, heart-beating person.

Anonymous: "Click through for what interests me!!!" (Because! I am interesting!! Everything tells me so!!)

Our dollars can make us so, we can buy to make our shelves full. And then we get to take inventory! Between are interests and possessions in a list, there is little blank space. So don't worry about it! That's where the boring: mistakes, insecurities, half-interests, things we struggle with, are hiding. They will get squeezed out by the good stuff, like our love of asian fusion cuisine. Phoebe is into longboarding.

Feb 4th. This morning we wake to:

No hot water. Not a drop. He keeps me updated, "it's something resembling warm but isn't." I boil the kettle. Sitting in shallow bathtub water, I try to wash my hair. The kittens are watching, fascinated. Ripley scrambles onto the tub ledge, Mowat swats at his tail.

He's bringing me kettles full. This is a team effort, our sole mission is to accomplish clean hair, and for me to get to work on time.

Soon I am clean, but freezing. I have five minutes to warm and seven to dress. He walks me down the stairs to the front door. I am bundled in coat and boots, being kissed goodbye, but wishing we could all stay home today. Beaches family.

Feb. 1

Things, things, things. There is way too much out there. Bowlfillers? How is that a commodity? How is the something we should spend money on. Money, money, money. If we had all the money in the world, how would we spend it? What would we do then? What would be the point? Travel? Hit every destination possible. GET LOST.

I am too submersed in the Internet, I know. Filing was such sweet reprieve, it felt like. I could always enjoy tedious things, when I got into a rythm.

I newly hate celebrity. It's not new actually, it's just today new. It's just renewed new. Even notoriety, I don't like that either. Praise anonymity. SRSLY.