When my head is clear:

I am afraid for some reason, of sitting still. Of time passing in general. Unless it's in a blur, an unconscious passing of time. Like 12 hours of sleeping. Because then it is just passing and I'm not aware of it, I can't be blamed for it because I am unconscious during it, it's not my fault, wasting that time.

I need to figure out how to be okay with time passing. I know that sounds weird. But it's like I overvalue time to the point that I waste it. Because I'm too afraid of spending it on any one thing. Even a thing that I enjoy or think is valuable, like drawing or of all things; writing! I'm too afraid to make any commitment of TIME. What is going on with that?? Can I commit the time to take an art class, to write a story, a not-great story? Can I commit to painting the apartment for a weekend, writing my thank you cards for a week???! I waste too much time, unconsciously avoiding its passing.

She's an anomaly.

André has me listening non-stop to the Fiery Furnaces now. It's not his fault for the constantly, that's me, but he did introduce them to me, that's him. I really like they're.... I don't know how to describe it, but dance-y keyboardness, they remind me a lot of Owen Ashworth actually, CFTPA.

I like that her name is Eleanor, I think that is an excellent old-school name.

Yesterday we filled our fridge I think for the first time, buying tons of produce. I've been looking at Epicurious.com for some recipes lately. I am going to broil some grapefruit tonight. Also, this has been a week for baking muffins, I've only baked them two nights in row now, so maybe this is premature boasting, but I fully intend on going for three.

I don't know why I made this paltry update, except that I am trying to update a tiny bit more frequently, and hopefully baby-step posts like this will lead to future fantastical writings. Maybe.

I wish for this:

Absolutely amazing little off-the-grid house!

http://www.simondale.net/house/index.htm